From: Adams, C.H. (CIV) [adamsch@orha.centcom.mil]
Sent: Monday, March 08, 2004 8:24 PM
To:  The Fellas.

Subject: The Great Attack

 

Apparently, there wasn’t a whole lot going on in the world yesterday.  Sometime yesterday evening, the incoming alarm went off and we all mosied downstairs to the movie room in the basement and settled in for the long haul.  On the way, we passed the USMC Colonel who passes out Tootsie Roll Pops during these social events and picked a cherry flavored one off the plate he was holding.  I like cherry flavored Tootsie Roll Pops.

 

In the movie room, I won’t go so far as to call it a theatre, it’s better than that, they were changing to Wolf Blitzer, CNN Reports.  Watching Wolf Blitzer is a lot like watching Whitney Houston in that night club scene in “The Body Guard” where she is dressed up in a space alien suit with the shiny aluminum helmet that probably protects her from alien brain waves being beamed in from Mars.  The camera was swirling around her, catching her beauty from all angles, high and low.  Wolf wasn’t wearing any aluminum foil to prevent his brain waves from being stolen by Martians, but there nary a hair out of place.  Just in, Breaking News, Rockets impact in or Near the Green Zone, the Al Rashid Hotel is hit, the mortar attack continues. 

 

Wolf Blitzer, CNN Rock Star.  (Actually, without Wolf Blitzer, most of us wouldn’t know that something might have happened until this morning’s briefing, if then, if ever.)

 

Then several minutes later, they showed the hotel across the street from the Al Rashid, and the top part of the government building behind it.  The image showed the glow of a fire but we couldn’t tell if it was the hotel or the government building or something in between (and there isn’t a whole lot between), but it definitely wasn’t the Al Rashid.  This time, Wolf Baby said that the “rockets” had been launched from an SUV parked a short distance north of the Green Zone. Then he said that this was the first attack from “within the Green Zone.”  Then he called the attack a “mortar” attack, again.  

 

Those of you with a background in this area might wonder, “Was it a mortar attack or a rocket attack?”  Keep in mind it isn’t fair to expect middle aged draft dodgers to know the difference, especially when they are reporting on the event. 

 

The seats in the movie room are great.  Large and plush, they mold comfortably to my fat butt.  So I settled back and went to sleep.  An hour later, they sounded the “all clear” and I returned to my desk, to answer the emails from my cousins asking me if I was dead yet.

 

I have yet to see a rocket or mortar explosion, or the results attributed to one since I’ve been here.  Sometimes, I hear about them during the daily briefing.

 

And then at 1 a.m., or there abouts, I was awaken by what felt like some very large hand, larger that my body, slapping me sharply, once, and knocking me out of bed to the floor.  But no alarm.  When I came in to the office, this morning, I found out that that was the EOD people blowing up the SUV that had been used to launch the rockets.  Now, that explosion was loud, and even though it was at least two miles away, we all felt it.

 

Is Wolf baby still calling it a mortar attack?  Is the rocket attack that was launched from an SUV a few hundred meters north of the Green Zone still the first attack from within the Green Zone?   Only time will tell.

 

Anyway, no injuries are reported from the Palace.  And a lot of advertising time was sold.

 

Film at eleven.

 

C.H. Adams

Accountant, Coalition Provisional Authority 

Presidential Palace (Sagar Al Qadasiah)

Baghdad, Iraq

U.S. Commercial: 703-344-8857

 

Countdown to Iraqi Sovereignty: 115 Days

"Lets Roll."